Share Post:

Gifts of those Dark Nights

There’s a raven calling from the tree where the vultures spend these last frosty nights of early spring, the dandelions have started blooming in the low wet spots near the outflow of the boggy spring on the path to the greenhouse, and the cottonwoods are showing renewed signs of life. My kid and I are in New Mexico where a friend has rescued us from the road and our broken down bus. While the external looks pretty chill here looking into the Gila Mountains, the inner work continues and transpersonal experiences become the new norm.

After the long cold days of winter come an opportunity to renew, to shed skin and let old things die.

I’ve been a bit conflicted about the nature and tone of my writing here.

To some readers it has seemed a bit dark, yet for those that find themselves on an ascension path that darkness is a familiar friend. As the unconscious becomes conscious the down becomes up and the up down. One learns to ride the waves of ecstatic joy and the tumult of having to see, feel and re-experience one’s basic inner-workings in new ways. Finding those new ways of being is no small feat.

The darkness that I have expressed here is that of many, many dark nights of the soul, and my his-story goes back to 6 terrifying and wonderful years of riding waves that peak in ecstatic and transpersonal experiences, then dip into the mucky mire of all of the trauma given and received in the breadth of my lived experience.

Last night I caught a glimpse of the underbelly of my self-loathing. This is after what seems like weeks of deepening work on my childhood shit where those that I trusted most turned out to be my greatest betrayers. The remembrance of being fed upon by the hungry ghost of unconscious parental shame, grief, betrayal, lovelessness and insecurity. The tender one to be fed upon by those that presuppose to love him. The one who will then be annihilated by their guilt when they have satiated themselves.

That’s some dark shit. Do you feel it?

All of this digging and discovery and allowing of those haunted feelings and memories and dreams and thoughts for what?

To learn that responsibility and freedom are the same. To learn the difference between empowerment and victimhood. To make the changes that are due in kind to the life that I want to live, the mountains that must be climbed to get there.

To feel it again, so that I no longer have to carry it. To liberate these worn, old stories from my being so that my bandwidth to live a life well is open.

A couple weeks ago, I opened to self-forgiveness. That’s been a lifelong battle for someone who has been described as a pressure cooker. To learn how to let it go, for realises. What an amazing gift.

Sometimes I lay down for a bit and find myself in inner space or a void. With the gift of allowance, of surrender I work with my helping spirits to cleanse. Black, sticky, icky, dark, ambiguous tar has come out of my heart and lungs and hips. Stuff that has been around for longer than I remember. With each letting of the darkness a new pathway to light opens with a new challenge, to both remember and feel how I came to be as I am– where the pains in my hips came from, how those heartstrings were played by myself and others to compromise my sense of self, and how I was used by my parents in a childhood stolen for their benefit. All of this retelling to choose to live well, unhindered by any hollow ghost – including my own.

I know that I chose this. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. For me the great purge of the old to realize how this world really works, how I really work, and to find the pathway out of the hell of my creations, of our collective creations.

When I go to the void there is no doubt. This world is of dreaming. You and me and all of us build that dream collaboratively, consciously or unconsciously.

What world do you want to live in?

One you choose, or the hell of our his-story and unconscious hollow ghost’s, or a space where we recognize and acknowledge our responsibility to ourselves, our lives shared in community, and with all of Life?

Exercises for Consciousness Voyageurs

A Mindfold, shamanic drumming/rattling, or appropriate Hz tones of binaural beats suggested. Parts one and two are separate so that those beginning with this practice can get used to being outside humanities collective field. Once this adjustment is integrated with experience proceed to part two. Alternatively, you could say fuck it and jump in with both feet. Either way, cheers!

Caution: as with working in all consciousness, be sure to feel through or ask directly each new spirit that you encounter to ensure that they are in alignment with light and your highest good.

If these techniques are new to you, please check out Michael Harner’s The Way of the Shaman. Classes from the FSS can help enable you to regain power and journey in consciousness for the benefit of yourself and All of Life.

Part 1 : Getting out of Hell

Form the intention to journey beyond the limits of humanities’ collective field and know yourself liberated from its influence on every aspect of your being.

Take three deep breaths.

What do you feel?

Is it heavy or light?

Follow that feeling to your home in the Upper or Lower Worlds.

If your feelings state is heavy, visualize that feeling as the pieces of yourself laid out on a table. Take your arms and clear that table of all of its contents.

If you are really feeling heavy, imagine a large slab of obsidian (black volcanic glass) and become that stone. Allow all of the old to purge. Set the stone on fire if need be. Let those old feelings and thoughts melt into the stone or burn.

When you can breathe free and easy again, ask your Helping Spirits to guide you beyond the veil of the human collective on Earth.

What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel?

How is this space different from your daily existence on Earth when surrounded by the grid of humanities creations on this planet?

Thank your Helping Spirits and make sure you’re 100% back in your body.

Part Two : Starting from outside the collective field of humanity

Form the intention to journey beyond the limits of humanities’ collective field and know yourself liberated from its influence on every aspect of your being.

Follow the steps in part one in order to access this space, then:

What do you feel in this space?

What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel?

How might you help clear humanities collective field or support the Earth in her transition?

Are there others doing this work?

Do you want to meet them?

Do they have any techniques for you to teach you?

How frequently might you return to this space to do this work?

Is this work in alignment with your highest good? Is it in alignment with the highest good of all?

How can you draw down action into the physical plane in order to further this work?

Return to your body after thanking your helping spirits and anyone who assisted you.

about author


A dad, a kid, a kelpie and two cat brothers rubbertramping around the country doing our best to live authentic lives while awakening to our birthright. 

Support My Work

Exploring inner space with all of its highs and lows and inbetweens while growing into a world we both choose and desire to create together.